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amityger

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(no subject) [Jul. 5th, 2006|06:09 pm]




You're a Guinea Pig!

When people want to test out something they're not so sure of, they
come to you. People constantly seem to have some new idea or theory they're just
begging to use you to check out. All this attention is certainly appreciated, but
has left you feeling extremely used over the years. After all, does anyone ever
seem to ask you about these tests? You do end up feeling like you are a
representative of all of humanity, and perhaps even an intrepid explorer. But that
could just be those drugs they injected into you talking.



Take the Animal Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.






You're The Sound and the Fury!

by William Faulkner

Strong-willed but deeply confused, you are trying to come to grips
with a major crisis in your life. You can see many different perspectives on the issue,
but you're mostly overwhelmed with despair at what you've lost. People often have a hard
time understanding you, but they have some vague sense that you must be brilliant
anyway. Ultimately, you signify nothing.



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

link

(no subject) [Jul. 5th, 2006|06:06 pm]



You're Australia!

You're easy-going, relaxed, and yet somewhat tough and hardy all at the
same time.  You can appreciate culture, scuba diving, and even safaris.  This
makes you pretty interesting and intriguing to others, though also really unpredictable and
even wild.  Your knowledge of nature is unthinkable to most of those around you, even
though your respect for it is sometimes less than perfect.  People really like your
accent.



Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

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(no subject) [Jul. 5th, 2006|06:04 pm]
      
[info]amityger is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator
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what a night! [Mar. 29th, 2006|02:50 am]
[mood | satisfied]
[music |watching sex in the city!]

oddly enough, i am not in an amazing mood, but things went pretty well today. why arent i happier?

im a hons for next year :) :) :) :) :) :)

and hannahs one with me. its going to be amazing.


tamar didnt get president though, trudi did :( tamar is amazing and so deserved it. and fran got vp even though shes not here :)


i didnt get my art history exam back yet. thursday, she said.

my italian vocab quiz got moved to friday :) :) :) and my grammar quiz isnt this week anymore!!

AND

my photo project, which was originally due next wed, got moved to the monday after that! which is INCREDIBLY cause i DEFINITELY needed that time - this weekend is gonna be crazy with the house party AND the cocktail!




oooook i lost my train of thought

i guess im done for now.
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urrrrrrgggghhhhhhhllllle [Mar. 27th, 2006|10:27 pm]
[mood | contemplative]
[music |eerie silence]

lol idk

i still want to print this stuff out... maybe ill just keep two "journals" - this one online where i actually write entries, and another notebook for doodles, quotes and that type of dealy... im still feeling creative...

im trying to figure out the rest of my life. class scheduling is coming up soon for NEXT YEAR ALREADY. good god. and my interests are changing... actually no. thats not true at all. my interests are NOT changing... and thats the problem lol. i tried to forget about my interest in kids for a while there, thinking id major in art and minor in psych... but now im thinking education... either a major or minor... maybe a double major with art?? BLAH. im gonna end up an art teacher. just like everyone always thought when i was younger. but i wanted to do something amazing with my life... but i cant deny what im passionate about... CRAP.


ohhhh life...
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breaks over... [Mar. 26th, 2006|08:34 pm]
[mood | creative]
[music |crazy little thing called love/queen]

i cant believe im already back at school. its unbelievable... man does time fly. and to top it all off? 6 more weeks of school. thats it!

habitat was great and florida was just lovely :) beautiful, sunny, warm, breezy... sigh. working on houses was surprisingly fun. i like hammering on roof tops the best :) i met lots of fun people - especially ones from maryland (they were the other school down there with us.) they were so freaking nice! im gonna miss them, despite the fact that i avoided becoming close to any of them.

all drama and crazy cliques aside, our group was pretty good too. a little too big though... by the end of the trip, i still had a VERY hard time naming a lot of people in our group! i still dont know a few people at ALL. we never had ice breakers orr anything like that... bad move i have to say. but thats ok. it was an experience, thats for sure... and hey, i got 200 great pictures out of it too :-P

when i got back to MA on Friday, mom and dad picked me up at the airport :) and i got to go home for a very short amount of time. but it was well worth it. best time home since... well, i can remember... and i got to go on a date with billion saturday night. we went to see v for vendetta and it was a blast. i think it was partially because we werent together too too long - not like he was staying over for the weekend here or anything. just went to dinner and a movie and headed our seperate ways. pretty good. i miss him already! he'll be up this weekend for our spring weekend dealy though. i hope thatll be fun. on the way home from the movie last night, we were talking about how hes going to write a short story and i got all creatively inspired to write one myself... unfortunately i have a photo exam tomorrow i should be studying for... but i so badly want to create some new characters right now!!!


ok... im gonna go do one of the two... probably the latter :/ i should really study though... hmmmmmmmmmm
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oh good god [Mar. 7th, 2006|04:40 pm]
[mood | exhausted]
[music |watching FRIENDS]

wow definitely on the verge of falling asleep there in arh. it was ridiculous!! and i should be paying attention! my exams next week and im SCREWED!!i dont know what to do with myself anymore. im exhausted. i cant even focus enough to type this crap. my god. i wish so badly i could just snap my fingers and everythign would be done and memorized... ughhhhhughhhhh i want to cry... but im too tired. i think its nap time.
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(no subject) [Mar. 6th, 2006|12:40 pm]
[mood | drained]
[music |watching FRIENDS]

blahhhhhhblah blah blah.... this will be a hellish week... and next week WILL BE HELL. progressively worse huh? sooo much freaking work to do. studying out my butt... and then next week... MIDTERMS fuckfuckfuck! and i have photo soon... and i dont understnad what were doing... and the projects due next week... and i dont know how to do it.... im so screeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeddddddddddd


but whats weird is that i dont physically feel stressed really. (knock on wood) i usually start flipping out right about now, but im doing ok... exercise may have saved my life! im in the best shape of my life (or getting close) and its paying off mentally which is really what i needed...


ok time for class.
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(no subject) [Mar. 3rd, 2006|08:48 am]
so idk how to handle this. im still all up in the air about everything... and i STILL cant stand when hes having a good time! WTF is wrong with me!!? i should be HAPPY for him... hes gone through a lot of crap over there, and the least i could do is to be happy for him when hes happy! ...but i just dont want him to be happy without me :( thats what it is. im so fucking jealous that he can have fun with other people. godDAMN me... but i want to be happy. i hate feeling jealous. but WOW am i jealous. its incredible... i think it more has to do with the fact that i feel disconnected from him right now. extremely. like i said i wanted a break for a while longer...ok. but when i called him yesterday... i wanted to talk to him. and when he called me back... i talked to him for about 3 mins before he was "too cold" and was "gonna go"
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(no subject) [Mar. 3rd, 2006|12:05 am]
[mood | exhausted]
[music |too tired to listen...]

i am so freaking tired right now its ridiculous... i would be fast asleep if i hadnt forgot that i had CLOTHES IN THE WASH so now i have to wait another half hour until theyre done in the dryer (its already been a half an hour in there!) omg so tired sooooo sooo tireed.. just trying to stay awake... i keep wondering if i can somehow back up these entries. im scared of losing my life. im so used to writing in my journal... and keeping them with me... i miss that... but i can never get myself to do it anymore :( i should try again... maybe just print out the ones ive typed so far? and try again? but i never make it for very long... omg i need to stop yawning...

and on top of being tired and getting a little stressed with school, ive got a lot of bill on my mind... i dont know what to do... my moms words keep ringing in my head over and over again... "he doesnt treat you like a princess. you need to be treated like a princess. you DESERVE to be treated like a princess." and not saying i want to be spoiled at ALL... just loved. i want all of those little things people do for the people they love. notes, thoughtful gestures, cards, a flower he picked and thought of me, a picture... oh god im gonna get depressed again...

fuck.
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just a morning. [Feb. 28th, 2006|10:06 am]
[mood | restless]
[music |skye boat song/ celtic twighlight]

i have to go to class soon... 9 minutes... and wow i wish i didnt.

he left me a message last night... i wish he did that every night. instead of the usual "are you there?" and then not another word since i was, indeed, not there. idk i just feel like i want someone to care about me enough to want me back when im not there... to want to leave something for me for when i do get back. a thoughtful message, or a sweet poem... ok my cell phone just rang. and i have NO idea who it was... not a clue... i dont think they left a message whoever it was... that kind of creeps me out. i dont like when people have my number and i dont have theirs... oh there is a message! im gonna go check.
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nothing is ever just that easy... [Feb. 26th, 2006|09:18 pm]
[mood | confused]
[music |CELTIC]

so much on my mind... and yet nothing at all... this weekend was so... UGH idk... BIPOLAR. what the fuck else is new, huh? so he got here on friday at 5. and i was waiting for whatever he had to say about getting back together. and he had nothing to say... it was really bad. i thought things were going to change. and they didnt. he didnt tell me anything i didnt already know. he just told me all over again to stay away from the "l word" and he'll feel comfortable...ok so this killed me. because now... im just in a relationship with someone i love, but who doesnt love me back. and going nowhere. i just feel crushed... so i was in a bad mood friday night and saturday. cause i was so uncomfortable, but i didnt know what to say. i couldnt come to any conclusions... just to break up with him. which i didnt want to do impulsively. so i had nothing to say. saturday we just fought and everything was awkward and uncomfortable.. finally, saturday night i was in a terrible mood. i got all depressed. and i finally told him what was on my mind. he got frustrated. but told me that he wanted to work it out. that whenever he thought about seeing other people before, he always saw himself with me in the end. but im worried that thats just because hes comfortable with me... like its a guarantee. i dont really know what to think about that...idk i think i just have some stuff to think about. and if he doesnt come up this weekend (which i dont think i want anyway) then i wont see him for like a month... ughhhhh its so hard. im so confused. so fucking confused. and then to top it all off, i had a really good morning with him today... IM SO FUCKING CONFUSED!!!!!!!
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(*$#& [Feb. 26th, 2006|12:42 am]
FUCK.
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rally day... festivities?? [Feb. 22nd, 2006|10:50 pm]
[mood | frustrated]
[music |home videos i made]

ok so today was rally day. i went to bed really late last night cause i figured i could sleep in for a couple of hours this morning before i kicked my own ass all day long at the photolab... turns out that apparently our house has this... TRADITION... where the seniors wake up the first years at 5 fucking 30 in the morning! so, to none of the first years knowledge beforehand, the seniors ran around the hallways SCREAMING and BANGING on our doors until we got up and went downstairs!! omg soooo tired. so we all sat around for a half an hour with bagels and stuff being forced to listen to stories from when they were first years, and what their seniors were like. I DONT CARE! i had to wake up soo soon to get work done and spend the entire day developing stupid pictures because my projects due on monday and i hadnt even STARTED it before today...

so yeah, got up at 10:30, even though i couldnt fall back to sleep after i was woken up... and i was EXHAUSTED. ate breakfast when i remembered that HEY! i have an italian paper due today! have i started that? nope! so i ran back up here and threw up the biggest piece of bull EVER. i was at the lab by 11:30 and stayed until..? 630? UGHHHH. i got a bunch of stuff done though. i have more to do... im going back tomorrow... (woohoo).

then i get back here after going to dinner with doodles and annette (:)) and on my board is a nastily rude message: Ami, whenever you get back i would like the cinema paridiso notes. -S.

ok #1. SHE DIDNT TAKE NOTES - ITS HER FAULT!! im not going to let her copy off of me!
#2 she said THE notes, like they were just generic notes for everyone - but nooo I TOOK THEM!!! THEYRE MINE!
#3 she didnt even ASK ME!!! never mind ask me nicely.. omg i was so fucking angry at her. i still am! goddamn having class with her 3 times a week... i cant escape completely! EVER!

ok this actually is good to vent, but im getting angrier instead of calming down... i should go...
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Keep Waiting... [Feb. 21st, 2006|01:44 pm]
[mood | antsy]
[music |you cant hurry love/diana ross]

I need love, love
To ease my mind
I need to find, find someone to call mine
But mama said

You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don’t come easy
It’s a game of give and take

You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

But how many heartaches
Must I stand before I find a love
To let me live again
Right now the only thing
That keeps me hangin’ on
When I feel my strength, yeah
It’s almost gone
I remember mama said:

You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don’t come easy
It’s a game of give and take

How long must I wait
How much more can I take
Before loneliness will cause my heart
Heart to break?

No I can’t bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that i, I can’t go on
These precious words keeps me hangin’ on
I remember mama said:

You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don’t come easy
It’s a game of give and take

You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

No, love, love, don’t come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms
To hold me tight
I keep waiting
I keep on waiting
But it ain’t easy
It ain’t easy
But mama said:

You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don’t come easy
It’s a game of give and take

ok so im sitting here
with stuff to do
and im not doing it.

im uploading my videos VERY SLOWLY so other people can watch them finally.
i have class at 3, and i have to go to the art store before that... so ill leave shortly... but wow. i still need to take 1.5 rolls and i CANT THINK OF ANYTHING!!! idk what to do... and thank GOD theres no class tomorrow. idk what id do. were talking HOURS AND HOURS on top of more HOURS in the lab tomorrow... UGHHHHH... but not before i take 1.5 MORE ROLLS!! wow i think im just really antsy and bored.

i just wrote back to the women, volunteering myself to watch kids during meetings at the homeless shelter. im THRILLED, except that right after i sent the email, i realized i might already have something at the same time... im gonna write a beat for the sophian with doodles and theres a meeting you have to go to every... other? wednesday... and this watching kids is every other wednesday. it would be beautiful if they got the pattern right and i could do both... but idk when either starts so i might be screwed. but i really want to watch the kids. theyre all infants - 3 years old :) PERFECT. that would make me sooo happy.

then i have to go back to the doctors on thurs - still some unsolved problems after all of these months :/ god knows what is going to happen to me now.

and then this weekend? idk.. depending on whether or not i get enough done tomorrow for my photo project will let me know whether or not bill can come up this weekend... then theres NIN on monday. idk how thats gonna work. UGH... ARRRHHHHGGGG isfhjkdshhiofse.

all i can afford to keep on my mind right now is photo and the fact that i have no class tomorrow... none of this daydreaming/nightmaring that i keep doing... cant afford it right now. gotta get through everything that has to be done right now...

i wonder if theres an easy way to print these entries out... i have that knot in my stomach saying that someday ill lose all of this... cause its a computer... and the internet. blah.
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aosijflkmsdfARGH [Feb. 20th, 2006|03:01 pm]
[mood | aggravated]
[music |all the love in the world/NIN]

thats right. hour and a half, 2 more rolls to go. but i am OUT OF IDEAS!!! totally and completely. i think im just bored. i dont even think i like the majority of the pictures that i took... like 3 rolls of nothing... even though this time around i had an idea! its also freaking freezing outside... i dont know how else to depict a long distance relationship. i have pictures of people holding hands, pictures of my mailbox with mail in it. pictures of cars. pictures of the road. pictures of a suitcase. pictures of pictures. pictures of both of our sweatshirts. pictures of one person walking alone. pictures of my bed. pictures of pictures with a phone hanging over them. pictures of an animal cracker trail :-P but i still need 2 more rolls for the project. 8 total. got 6. the hard part is... that i have to take pictures that will allow other people to realize my narrative is about a long distance relationship, not just me. so it cant be little inklings of things that only i know the true meaning of... hahahaha i was just looking around my room. i thought "why not take a picture of my birth control pills :-P or condoms!!" hahahahahaha so clearly... i am gone.
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photo project dispair [Feb. 20th, 2006|02:47 pm]
[mood | pensive]
[music |she hates me/puddle of mudd]

i dont know what to do. im already not going to class this afternoon because i have no pictures to develop... but i NEED to take my pictures today meaning i NEED to come up with an idea NOW. a narrative so depth of field can be played with... :/ nothing i can think of allows for depth of field playing... im thinking stories. but its hard! i want to do something about a long distance relationship. THATS what i want to do. now how do i do it? pictures... stuff that sparks memories... but what about depth of field??? how do i do that?! ok. brainstorm. freewrite. go.

bed
empty bed
pictures
scrapbook
bulletin board
car?
road
emptiness
phone
computer
email
letters
necklace
have the road in all pictures
how to do that with a bed..?
bring stuff outside??
something about pressures and stress
song lyrics
none of these have depth of field potential except for the road dealy
but thats so obvious...
doorway???
suitcase??
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(no subject) [Jun. 9th, 2005|01:42 am]
[mood | blah]
[music |forever young/alphaville]

idk how much this'll get used... the thought of writing what i normally put in my regular journal online is pretty scary... basically this is here because i want to talk to my new fellow SMITHIES :)
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